Sell-Out

 One of the hardest parts of life is the struggle to survive. Some people seem to do this fantastically... they seem to thrive from the outside. For some reason, not only can they get food on the table for their families, but they find a means to splurge a little on fun things like travel, or toys, etc.

I'll bet you know the type of person that I'm talking about! Are you maybe that type?

Then there's the type that gets by, but they never really do much with what they have. They're not really struggling, but they're not really making more than what they need to get by. Can you think of someone you know who lives like this?

Lastly, there's the type that, no matter how many handouts or how much help they get, they just can't seem to find the means to take care of what needs to be taken care of in their life. These people seem to constantly be in a state of crisis.

Which one are YOU?

I'll tell you that my husband and I (because we share all of our income, I count us as one) are a mix of the first and second type. We used to be type two, through and through, but more recently, we've been learning how to create our own lifestyle... to live a life of our dreams rather than building someone else's dream just to get by. It hasn't been easy, but we're working on it, and we've seen big changes come into our lives... which leads me into what I REALLY was intending on writing about tonight... feeling like a sell-out.

Here's the deal, anyone who has worked in an MLM business can tell you that the business model gets a bad rap. It's tough work being a sales-person, and you'll find that some of your closest friends can become some of your worst enemies. I know how annoying it is to feel like all of your friends are trying to sell you something. I've been there! I've bought things I didn't want or need just to 'help my friends get a leg-up in their businesses'. That's why the decision for me to become a Beachbody coach wasn't easy. I didn't want to be that annoying sales friend, but I found something that was absolutely LIFE CHANGING for me, and just like other things in my life, I HAD to share it, whether I got paid for it or not. So, i made the decision to go for it and here's what happened:

I realized that this company model is amazing because "Million Dollar Body, Inc" which is Beachbody, is about more than getting into those skinny jeans. We're taught that if you're not fit mentally, there's no way you can be fit physically. This was the first place I had been taught that concept (besides church) and I was given tools to nourish my mind as well as my body! 

The next thing that happened was unexpected, but it has really drug me through the ringer lately. It seems that all of my friends feel like a have an ulterior motive every time I talk to them or pay them a genuine, sincere complement. Granted, not everyone was like this, but it still surprised me how many of my friends felt that I was doing things with/or/ for them merely because I was hoping they would join one of my Beachbody challenges... and it made me step back and think, "Do you even really know who I am?"

So, with that being said, I'd just like to say that for anyone who is thinking of joining an MLM, DO IT! You will probably not ever find something that will make you stretch and feel uncomfortable and grow as much as this experience. However, don't be surprised when people suddenly forget that you love them and care about them when they start tearing your dreams down, because it will happen.

I've been reading Jen Sencero's "You Are A Badass..." and something that she writes really sticks out to me, We get a lot of lip service about going after our dreams and believing anything is possible, but how do you actually DO this? How do you create a life you love?...do what's in your heart even when you're terrified of falling flat on your face of being rejected or losing all your money, or looking like a complete goober?" How do you do that when the people you'd think would be supporting you are suddenly telling you that 'that dream is not good enough' or 'you'll never be successful with that' or "Oh, I know a guy who did one of those companies. It's a pyramid scheme. You should get out before they steal all of your money."

Well, I'm here to tell you that the most important thing come's from Jen's quote; "how do you CREATE A LIFE YOU LOVE...DO WHAT'S IN YOUR HEART (regardless of your fears, or what people think of you).

That's how you do it.

I'm not going to tell you it's all cake and ice cream, and that it's going to be easy. Nope. It'll probably be one of the hardest things you've ever done, but IF you follow that advice in caps up there, well I'll bet you'll create something you couldn't even dream of having before, and all those friends who think you are just a big sell out, well, I'll bet that when you've seen success and changed millions of people's lives for the better in some way, they'll still be sitting there just about where they were when they told you that following your dreams wouldn't amount to anything (or they'll have joined you because they see just how great you are)!

One last little thing, if you're one of the Debbie Downer's who's trying to crush your friends' dream, maybe ease up a little and look into WHY they are doing what they're doing... it might surprise you how honorable their desires and dreams really are!

YOU'RE SO VAIN!

Why are you striving for a beach-body? You live in Montana...

Yup. 

I thought it was weird, too. Honestly, I was introduced to the company through the Insanity workout... I came home from school one day to see a CRAZY expensive charge on our poor newly-wed account. When my husband told me that it was a payment and that same amount would come out of our account in two more separate transactions, I had a mini-heart attack. My husband reassured me, however, that this would be life-changing for him, so I obliged to letting him keep the program. 

Then I cried with him when he completed the first workout...

Okay, okay... so maybe we didn't cry, but I thought that I had married a crazy-man... I mean, who would ever want to do a workout called "Insanity"...? Especially after seeing the infomercial for it? I thought my husband was a goon, but I watched him suffer through the first week of the program... then some how, it got lost. I never saw him put the DVD back in after that first week, and it was lost until we moved from Idaho to northern Montana a year later.

When we got settled into our new home, Insanity sat on our shelf for about a year, until a girl from my home-town asked me if I'd like to join her in an online health and fitness challenge. That was the first time that I made the connection... "Beachbody"...what a weird, vain name for a company...but I was sick and tired and tired of being sick and tired, so, despite the fact that she tried to get me to try a new program, I ordered a bag of this crazy healthy meal replacement to save my spot in her group, and told her I'd stick with the program that'd been sitting on our shelf collecting dust.

The rest is history! I lost 20 pounds in just under two months and I felt healthier than I'd been in my life! It was amazing! I may not have had a 'beach body' but I definitely saw changes take place in my life!

Then, I started hearing stories about how people were getting PAID to share these programs with their friends, and I thought, no way?!?! "I just got 40 'likes' on my results photo that I posted to Facebook! I'll bet those 40 people would LOVE to join me!"

Needless to say, it didn't quite work out that way. I don't think anyone who initially 'liked' my transformation photo bought any Beachbody merchandise through my coach account. That's Okay with me, though, because I don't need people to pay me to show that they support me!

As time went on, however, I had this internal struggle going on... 

I grew up in what some people have told me is 'hick-ville'. I love my small-town roots, but there have been times that I feel I am betraying them. Often, people think you need to be what my family refers to as 'granola' to be a successful fitness junkie. I didn't want to turn into a granola and betray my farming/ranching heritage!

Also, there was the inital 'vanity' that I felt came with the title I now carried: Beacbody Coach... What exactly was I promoting? Was I exploiting 'fat' women by telling them that they were not attractive, or that curvy people aren't equal to skinny people?

This really bothered me, and it slowed me down in my business. I was struggling with the idea of what I was promoting by working for a company that seems to push that wash-board abs and thigh-gap were the only way a girl could look HOT!

Then, I met the CEO of the company, and all of those bricks that I had been stacking against myself came tumbling down!

Carl Daikeler, the CEO of Beachbody, is NOT into vanity. This guy wears sneakers and a plaid shirt with blue jeans to our corporate events for crying out loud! His wife, Isabelle is a strikingly beautiful french woman, but she is FAR from vain or high-maintenance. And sitting down with them, listening to what their dream is for this business and feeling their integrity... that opened my eyes to what this company is about! It was life-changing for me, and it is the reason that Beachbody has created a lifestyle change for me. It's not just a fad that I'm hanging onto, or a quick-fix. Through the use of Beachbody's tools, I have CHANGED MY LIFE on the inside. I am happier, now. More driven and inspired to help people find their dreams and FEEL GREAT while doing it!

Beachbody has taught me how to create goals and achieve them. Their slogan is "Decide. Commit. Succeed." and I have used that in SO MANY areas of my life. I LOVE the people I have met through coaching, and the changes I have seen in my life. The money I have made is just an added bonus because it allows me to aspire to do something I love and enjoy doing, which is helping people!

So, if you still think I'm vain, well... good for you. That's your business, not mine.

However, I'll just add that my goal is not fat-shaming... hey, I used to be a fatty! You can't knock it till you've tried it, right? I just want women (and men) to know that, yes, bigger people are beautiful, too, but carrying all that extra weight around is not HEALTHY and giving yourself permission to let it go is the most liberating thing you'll ever do! I'm still on my journey, but, honestly, I think all of life is a journey for each and everyone of us! We never really stop learning, do we?

The Refiner's Fire

You might think that pine-cones are an odd relation to this quote, but they intrigue me, and I live in a forest of evergreens... do you know how conifers germinate?

Most often, a new generation of conifers will begin growing after and older generation has been consumed by fire! Pine-cones often germinate only after their outer layers have been burned away. However, at the onset of a forest fire, most people either run, or fight to put the flames out, when, in reality, the fire is the start that those seeds NEED to grow! 

Furthermore, without a fire, there may be too much in the way of light that will encourage their growth. The fire will consume everything, even the underbrush, that blocks the way of new life to grow. It is a natural cycle of growth, a consuming fire and a new, thriving generation...

So, where do YOU come into the picture???

Well, imagine that you are the pine-cone, and the trees that create a light-blocking canopy are all the people and things that tell you that you can survive, but you can not thrive in life. That underbrush, that's even thicker than the canopy of trees, that's every lie that you have listened to and reaffirmed to yourself.

Lastly, I believe the light is God... He is trying to reach down to you to show you what He has in store for you, but the only way that He can do that is through removing all that is blocking His light from enveloping you... and sometimes, He allows hard moments to pass in our lives because He knows that it is the fire that will open you to your full potential!So, when things get REALLY hot and hard... rather than asking yourself "why me", try to determine what you can gain from the fire, then search for the light, and thrive!!!

I have found that through my most difficult and trying times, I have found the most beautiful and precious tender-mercies. Don't loose faith in your Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, or in your Heavenly Father!

Pay It Forward: Little Ollie Lish, Primary Children's Hospital and Win a 30 Day Supply of Shakeology!

I have found that what makes me happiest is giving.

Whether it's just helping out around the house and serving my husband, getting out into the community, or any other means that I can give to others in some way, I find joy in those experiences.

Most recently, I have been wanting to give someone the gift of health. If you follow me, you might already know that I drink Shakeology daily and what it has done for me over the last year. As the holidays approached, I knew that I wanted to give a 30 day supply of Shakeology to a deserving person, as well as my time to assist them in reaching their health goals, but I wasn't sure how to go about doing that... I've also found that when you are ready to bless someone else's life, circumstances will usually line up for that to happen, and my answer came to me today!

Growing up, I had this great friend, Sadie. I have always looked up to her as an example, and when I heard that she was expecting a baby, I couldn't have been happier for her... then she and her husband, David got some shocking and scary news, their little baby boy, not yet born would go through multiple heart surgeries just to survive his first year of life. Oliver is thriving and beautiful now, but hearing this family's story has made me see how hard life can be at times. (If you'd like to know more about Ollie, you can read about it here).

Little Ollie

Their family has seen first hand how hard it can be to struggle through many trials and obstacles, but despite their setbacks, they have seen how others are affected as well, and they are raising money to help those families in Primary Children's Hospital have a little bit of their burden lifted this holiday season with a great project!

I want to help their cause by donating a 30 day supply of Shakeology to someone who donates to this fund! So, if you're interested in entering, here are the rules:

1. Enter by donating to the Fund Account. Click the link to see how awesome their care package is!

2. For every $10 you donate, I will put your name into a drawing. Please comment that you were sent from my challenge so I can count your donation. Thanks!

3. Comment on this blog post so I can count your vote (Be sure to include how many entries you get and how I can contact you)!

4. Contest will end on Saturday, December 6th at Noon MST.

5. Drawing will be held on Monday, December 7th. I will contact the winner through the media that they first used to contact me.

6. Let me know if you have any questions or concerns! Thanks for helping out these families at Primary Children's! They are so deserving of this!                                                                          

***If we can reach Sadie's goal of $2900 by 10 PM MST, Wednesday, I'll give away to a second winner! That's TWO chances of winning a bag of Shakeology for donating to an amazing cause!

YOUnique

 I LOVE finding new products that work great or add value to my life, and when I find something that I really like, I love sharing it with friends and family. For a few months, now, I have ben wanting to try those Younique brand 'fiber lashes' but I just couldn't justify spending the  money on make-up!

If you know me, you know that I am (what my husband calls...stingy)! I love make-up, but when I buy it, it's only a couple times a year... and I go CHEAP!!! I'm talking less than 5 bucks on mascara and the cheapest foundation I can find. The eye-shadow that I am currently using has been in my possession since a few weeks before I got married... I know because I bought it with intention to use it for my wedding day... which was over three years ago...

So, yeah, that's probably really gross... and probably why I am a little acne prone, but I have a hard time spending money on things that I feel are vain, or not really necessary to my survival...

ANYWAY... now that you know a little TMI about me... I'll move forward to the lashes...

I have been fighting with myself about ordering them for months. Mascara is my absolute favorite, and on a normal day, I usually apply about 10 coats, or so. I thought, if this stuff really works, then maybe I would end up saving money in the long run. Still, I just couldn't bring myself to BUY the darn stuff...

Then, about two weeks ago, I got lucky and WON some!!! Woot, woot!

I promised friends on Facebook that I would do an honest review of what (I) thought of the crazy stuff... so, if you are still with me and are interested, here's my review!

Let's start with a picture:

These photos haven't been enhanced in any way. The first was taken on a smart phone, and the second was with my webcam...

So.. the first photo is what my lashes usually look like with about 10 layers of $5 maybeline mascara. I switch types because, usually, by the time I need a new tube, what I was using is gone and they have a new product! 

The bottom photo was using one coat of my normal mascara, and one coat of the Younique lashes. I love them...but here are the pros and cons...

Cons:

I thought it was weird that I still have to use regular mascara... to me, that's a waste of money.

It's expensive...haha... just my honest opinion. 

and... that's about it...

It uses three different products... just something new to get used to...but kind of a repeat of the first.

Pros:

It's faster than applying ten coats of the regular stuff! This was a big deal to me... I m a get in-get out type when it comes to getting ready in the morning... didn't used to be, but when your husband constantly sings, "Waiting on a Woman" you learn to move like a soldier! I thought when reading about it that it would take too much time, but it's great!

It removes just like regular mascara! No extra equipment needed!

It comes in a cute carrying case... not that anyone will ever see it, but it's fun and trendy.

So... that's how I feel about it. 

Will I order some when this runs out... I'm not sure yet. I definitely love the product, but still don't know if the price can be justified. Remember, I'm that type of girl who sits in the make-up aisle looking for the best deal. However, if you order your make-up through a counter like Clinique or Ulta, or through companies like Avon, you're already used to spending a little more, and compared to anything else I have used in that price range. I'd definitely see a benefit in switching over to this stuff!

And, there you have it, folks! My non-biased review of Younique Moodstruck Fiber Lashes!

I am in no way affiliated with the Younique brand. I do not work for their company, nor am I a representative of anything Younique.

The BIG Picture!

I meet new people everyday.

Some are happy.

Some are not.

You know what's most interesting to me, though, is when I get the opportunity to listen to *THEIR STORY* I realize that EVERYONE has a story!!! EVERYONE gets knocked down and EVERYONE has their moments... but the REALLY interesting part to all of this is how some people's moments seem to 

DEFEAT 

them, while other's moments seem to 

DEFINE 

them!

So... what makes the difference between a self-defeated person, and a self-defined person?

Well, I don't know what it is down to the nitty-gritty, but one thing that I have seen is the person who is defined by their story CHOOSES to make it a stepping stone in their journey through life. While the person who takes their trials as self-defeating can not seem to see around the stone that's in front of them, and rather than hop on it and move past it, they look at it as this HUGE mountain that they are not prepared to climb... instead of taking it one step at a time, they look at the big-scary monument before them, and they shirk in it's shadow, even though it might be the same event that a "self-definer" tackled with no problem.

I used to be self-defeating. I didn't want to move past these trails that I had in my life... I guess it was because it was easier for me to blame my mistakes and failures on some outside influence. I didn't have to take personal responsibility and to me, that meant that I could just get by, but live comfortably... then my eyes were opened. I realized how unhappy I really was... and even worse, I cast that unhappiness out into the world. I abused people who showed me empathy by using that to my advantage. Anytime something went wrong in my life, I blamed it on my trials, and ran away from the challenge. Over and over again, I was taught the same lesson, but I didn't learn from it.

That is not a healthy way to live, and, eventually, you will come to a fork in the road... you get to a point where you either have to give up, or change, because you can't keep going the direction you started... where the bridges that you have burned will show you that they still stand; ghosts in your past that were never really brought down. You'll reach that fork and realize that all of those excuses helped you to survive, but that you weren't REALLY LIVING... and you'll wonder what horrible event even put you on that road, because you won't remember it...

How can it be that something 'so important' can lead a person down a road of lies and misery and excuses, only for them to end up not knowing what really took them down that road in the first place?

I don't know how it starts, but I am ever grateful that at 23 years, I realized that that pathway is not the pathway that I wanted to be treading. I am grateful that we are given opportunities at every waking moment to make the decision to create our own pathway, and make it as glorious as we want it to be! I am so grateful that I didn't figure this out on my death-bed!

Change is hard, but it's worth it.

If you want to know how to DEFINE your own story, and not fall victim to your SELF-DEFEATING story, there is so much  you can do, but I'd suggest you start by seeing that all of those things you thought you were a victim of, are really there to teach you and define you, and prepare you for more than you could ever dream for yourself!

People are successful when they see the BIG PICTURE. Successful people are happy because, while they are grateful for the past, they do not dwell on it, whether it be happy or sad. They look forward to the future and they don't speculate about things that have not come to pass. They welcome change with open hearts, because they know that anything of value first must pass through the refiners' fire. The most important thing they do, though, is live in the moment. For they truly understand that it is there that they will find true peace, happiness and their own, unique calling!

And you want to know what the best part is? YOU are capable of having that, too!

My Drug of Choice... A Message of Hope

"The best view comes after the hardest climb"

This post has been a long time coming. I can not tell you how many times I have sat down and begun to write it, just to get most of it out and hit 'delete'. I was so worried about what people would think of me and how it would come across. It really is quite embarrassing, and it goes completely against every standard and value I have in my soul. I feel that today, however, is a great day to finally put it out there. Just know that I write, not for attention, but in hopes that someone struggling with a similar problem might know that they are not alone. Also, that they there is a way to over come any type of addiction. If I can help just one person through sharing this, then I consider it worth sharing. I would love to answer any questions you may have!

Let me start at the beginning...

Some details of this story have been altered or held back to protect the identities of those involved (such as location of the place where events took place). Please don't ask me to describe the details for their sake, and thank you for understanding!

When I was between 7 and 8 years old, I was playing outside with my brother. We were having quite the adventure, and I needed something to help with our activities. I went into the tool shed of the place we were at and started rummaging around for a hammer, but I wasn't sure where to look. This place was unfamiliar to me. I noticed a large gray tool-box in the back corner of the shed and assumed that that would be the place I would find what I was looking for. Much to my surprise, when I opened the box, what I found, instead, was a collection of magazines and black, unlabeled video tapes. As I reached into the box, a memory came to my mind... I remembered a friend telling me of a magazine that her cousin had found (We were in kindergarten at the time). I listened as she told me of a very graphic scene on one of the pages of this magazine... and I just happened to pick up this very same image out of the pile that was stashed before me. I can still remember all of these moments in vivid detail, although they happened years ago. Those images have haunted me throughout my life.

I never told anyone about what I saw. I don't know why...because after hearing my friend talk about it at school, my thought was that this was a very common thing to find and that many people must find pleasure in looking at those offensive images. Even with that thought, however, I could not shake a weighted feeling I had developed after viewing what I had found.

As time went on, I returned to this place. It began with innocent curiosity that was stronger than that weighted feeling and had consumed me over what I had seen, and we frequented this area enough that it wasn't hard to come by.

Soon, though, I didn't have to depend on the gray box. As time went on, technology grew, and those images became easier to find. Before I reached my teenage years, I not only knew how to search it out, and come by it easily, but I had developed an aggressive addiction with no idea that that is what was happening to me. Still, I couldn't shake that feeling that something about what I was viewing was not right. I was ashamed, though, and did not know that I needed to seek help, let alone who to go to, or how to find it. Time passed, and the problem became more than I could handle, and change began taking place within me. I went from being a straight-A, go-getter student in elementary school, to nearly failing 6th grade. I found that I was having a harder time making friends than I had as a young child, and I could not relate to people. I began to feel very alone. You can see it on the outside as I resorted to food for comfort and gained extra weight.

Finally, within my transition from Jr high to high school, a turning point came in my life. My parents got a divorce, and while that put me through the lowest point I had been in my life, it also presented me with an opportunity...

Growing up, I had very limited access to the Gospel. My grandmother occasionally put my brother and I in her church's summer bible camp. We also went to blessings and baptisms of cousins occasionally, and every once-in-a-while, I had attended various churches with my school friends. It was never enough for my to gain an understanding of what the Gospel of Jesus Christ was about, though, merely bits of information here and there that were difficult for me to put together. What I remember most, though was the feeling that I got when I did have the opportunity to learn.

It was through the divorce of my parents, that I turned to the scriptures and some missionaries to make sense of my life. They really were all that I had left. It was here, too, that I was able to gain an understanding of the dangers of pornography, and also the reason behind so many of the struggles and trials I had growing up.

I was baptized during the spring of my Sophomore year of high school into The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-Day Saints. I began diving into the Gospel and learning about what I could do to find help with this problem I had. I told my mom about it and felt such a relief. I knew that my Heavenly Father had forgiven me for all that I had done and understood my circumstances, but still, the guilt and self-disgust that I had developed would take eight more years for me to fully forgive myself.

I write, today, elated to say that this is no longer a struggle I deal with in my life, and most of the trials that I have created for myself through the shame that I felt over the years is gone. You can not understand the excruciating pain and Godly sorrow that comes through trying to leave a bad addiction behind. There were so many people who have helped me along the way, and I know that I couldn't have done this without them.

Please let me just say a couple more things about this.

First, what trials I caused for myself by suppressing my need to reach out for help. Over the years, I developed depression and self-loathing. I thought that there had to seriously be something wrong with a woman who had a pornography addiction. More than that, though, I eventually developed a personality disorder that totally distorted the image of who I really was. I fed myself with lies about my worth regularly. Eventually, the energy that I was putting into the self-loathing began manifesting itself in physical maladies. Anger, bitterness, guilt and hatred in the form of a failing gall-bladder; Blaming, dread, fear and horror in the form of kidney problems; and humiliation, lust, shame, worthlessness and a feeling of being overwhelmed in the form of problems with my female organs, including infertility. I know that for some who read this, you might find this information new, but I honestly believe, with all my heart that our body reacts physically to the stimuli that our emotions create if we contain them within ourselves.

Next, I want to add that for anyone who feels like I am crazy for believing in God and trusting Him after all that I have dealt with, I say this; God cares about us so much that the Free Agency He granted us trumps His will for us. You might say, "If your god is so great, why does he allow such terrible things to happen to innocent children?" To that, I answer that He does everything He can to create a pathway in which people can choose the right and be rewarded for it, but He isn't going to step forth and prevent us from following our own free will and choice. If you happen to stray, however, or the choices that someone else is making are creating trials in your life, know that God understands our hearts. He sent His only begotten Son, even Jesus Christ, to save us, not only from our personal wrong-doings, but to comfort us when the choices of others have created turmoil in our lives. He will stand and defend us, and He can also help us here and now, if we choose to let Him. I have found great strength and comfort in this knowledge.

Lastly, I would just like to state that if you are struggling with anything. Please seek help. I went through years of hell, and dealt multiple thoughts of suicide because I thought I was so alone. Eight years of my life have been spent trying to sort through the mess I made of my life. Your life doesn't have to be that way, and addiction bounds you from true happiness and freedom. I will be so bold as to say that because of my choices, that free will which is so important to my Heavenly Father that I have, was stripped from me. I bound myself by the choices that I made, and although I haven't had a problem with pornography for a few years now, I am only just setting myself free. Please, don't allow yourself to fall into the trap of addiction. There are people and resources available that were created to help you overcome those tumultuous things!

To parents, there was an new Family Home Evening curriculum recently released to help you talk to your kids about the dangers of Pornography and how to overcome them. I encourage you to take the opportunity to grow closer to your children through that program. I wish that I would have spoken to my parents years before I did! Here is a link to that lesson.

Finally, I hope that anyone reading this understands that you have so much worth and potential. You are a son or daughter of a Divine God and He loves you. Don't get caught up in your sorrows, and seek to be a light to this dark world. When you take your focus off of yourself, you will find peace and happiness, no matter how dark and trying your times may be. Keep pushing, and climb the mountains that are set before you, always remembering that the best view always comes after the hardest climb! I am a testament to that, and I am so grateful that I have that knowledge to comfort me in this life.

Dueteronomy 23:5 "...the Lord thy God turned the curse into a blessing unto thee, because the Lord thy God loved thee."