Guess what?
I have a condition... and I'll bet that if you don't have a chronic case of this, too, then I'm sure you might have had a touch of it in the past.
If not, then kudos to you, because YOU are LUCKY!!!
OK, OK... so you're probably right that I totally made that up, but I want to talk to you about something... Does being on Social Media really make you happy?
Can I tell you a story?
There is this girl I know... she's been married for about 3.5 years, and she's been through some pretty crazy stuff. People who know her story often ask her how she can appear so happy. She often replies that she learned at a young age that happiness is a choice, and she didn't always make the right choice... what they don't see, though, is what she's like behind closed doors.
I know that this girl cries to her husband regularly because of some things that have happened in her past that were out of her control. I also know that she and her husband made the decision that in January of 2013, they were going to try for their first baby. They planned it out in October of 2012... but January came and went, and there was no positive pregnancy test... Time passed by and here it is December of 2014, and there's still no sign of a child on it's way. This girl has been devastated. She has felt lonely, and helpless. She's been angry with God for giving her a desire that she cannot fulfill. She's been in physical pain as well... She found out recently, after going for a run and having to stop because of excruciating pain, that she has endometriosis... And her 'punch it out' routine of exercising the pain away was actually going to cause more harm than good if she didn't slow down.
She had been annoyed with people asking her and/or her husband, "So when are you guys going to start having some kids?" She knows they mean well, but how do you answer such a personal and intimate question without making the person asking feel awkward?
Now, with the holidays around her, and losing one of her favorite outlets, she's at a loss for what to do with herself. She spends hours on Social Media, because her career is run through those platforms. She sees what seems like all of her friends being blessed with children... some already having three, even though high school ended just over five years ago!
She withdraws into herself, not wanting to celebrate much because it feels like something is missing from their little family. She sinks lower and lower, each and every-day into what her husband refers to as "her dark place". She just can't pull away from looking online at all of her friends whose lives seem to go smashingly well... and wonder, "What did I do wrong?"
She KNOWS what it's like to be happy and enjoy life, but somehow, she gets SO CAUGHT UP in her own story, that she can't see anyone else's pain and suffering, especially when they mask it with ten filters on Instagram...
Now, you might not be familiar with infertility, but have you ever compared your back-stage life to someone else's Standing-Ovation-worthy stage performance? You can't be happy if you are comparing your worst to someone's best... and, honestly, most of what's out in our media isn't even people's best... it's their fake. It's an image that they have created, in hopes that it will gain likes and follows, and comments... because EVERYONE has the desire to feel that SOMEONE is noticing them, and approves of what they are doing!
So here's the thing, what can you DO about the comparison blues?
Well, first, you have to make the decision that you are so uncomfortable how you are feeling now, that you are going to make a change... any change, to bring a little light into your heart.
Secondly, REACH OUT FOR HELP! Seriously, if you want to feel better about yourself, look around you and see if you know anyone who can relate to what you are going through, or who's going through something that's even harder than what you've got on your plate, because I guarantee you'll find them. I actually reached out, today, to a friend who I know is going through the same type of trial that my husband and I are experiencing, and while what we talked about was sad, this slump that I have been in for a few weeks now was completely lifted just because I knew that SOMEONE could relate to how I was feeling. You don't wish trials upon others, but it's nice to know that you have someone to reach out to who can relate to you.
Next, give yourself permission to be sad once in a while... I listened to a lady, today, who told of what it was like experiencing three of her children and her husband die from cancer... the most amazing thing she said, though, was,
"The greater our sorrow is, the greater our capacity is to feel joy!"
So, it's OK to be upset once in a while, because if we don't pass through pain, we'll never really understand what pleasure is. I'm OK with that, as long as I don't get so caught up in my own problems that I feel like giving up.
Lastly, stop comparing yourself to others. JUST STOP IT, OK? You want to know what that does to you? It induces fear...
Fear that you're not good enough. Fear that you'll never amount to anything. Fear that someone is more successful, or prettier, or smarter, or funnier than you; and fear is not of God.
I know I've been quoting Jen Sencero a lot lately, but she's just right on the money, and I'm re-reading her book... so I just want to leave you with this quote:
"Give yourself permission...to be who you are regardless of what anybody else thinks or believes is possible. Do not deny yourself the life you want to live because you're worried you're not good enough, or that you'll be judged, or that it's too risky, because who does that benefit? NO ONE, that's who! When you live your life doing the things that turn YOU ON, that you're good at, that bring you joy, that makes you shove stuff in people's faces and scream, 'check this out!!!' You walk around so lit up that you shoot sunbeams out of yer eyeballs. Which automatically lights up the world around you. Which is PRECISELY WHY YOU ARE HERE: To shine your big-ass ball of fire onto this world of ours! A WORLD THAT LITERALLY DEPENDS ON LIGHT TO SURVIVE!!!"
Sincero, Jen (2013-04-23). You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life (p. 244). Running Press. Kindle Edition.
So, the moral of the story is this: STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS!
First off, it'll only hold you back from being totally awesome (which you were meant to be) because it induces feelings and emotions that are not from your source!
Secondly, it's a form of pride. Not only are you dousing your own light, but you're sending negative energy to the person you envy... so instead of wallowing in your jealousy and thinking that their best of their best is so much better than your worst of your worst, be happy for them... keep telling yourself that they are cool, and they deserve happiness, too... and you know what will surprisingly happen? You'll start to BELIEVE it, and THAT is when you're gonna really SHINE!!!
Sources of hope:
"You Are Special" Max Luacado - Learn about how loving yourself will make all those black dots fall off and make you happy!
"You Are A Badass" Jen Sencero - Just read it... Seriously.
"The Refiner's Fire" - For anyone who feels like your crap is pretty crappy, and everyone else's life is peach pie... go ahead and give this a watch!
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